The memory is etched in my mind as though it happen only yesterday.
In fact it took place nearly 18 years ago. My family was gathered in our living room on a Sunday afternoon, watching one of my favourite movies, Yentl.
Near the beginning of the movie a scene between Yentl and her father takes place in which her father prays while Yentl kneels on the ground in front of him. His words are as follows.
"Hear me oh Lord. Master of the universe. Thou has given me a daughter who brings me great pride and pleasure, and for this kindness I thank thee forever and ever."
At this point my father reaches over to me, puts his hand on my knee and says," You're my Yentl."
I will never forget the way that moment made me feel, the way it still makes me feel. I am trying hard to compare it to how I feel about my own children. They are my pride and pleasure. I love to watch them play with each other. When they laugh I find myself laughing and when they cry, oh how it breaks my heart. I can't even begin to imagine how my heavenly father feels about me.
I know in my head. I have been taught. I have read. I have studied. I thought I knew HOW MUCH MORE He loved me and then something amazing happened.
I had children of my own.
Everyone, tells you having children changes your life. I agree. It does, but more then that it changes your relationship with God. How can it not. No longer are you simply a child, longing for a father's approval. You are now a parent lavishing your child with love and adoration. Everything about your relationship with God changes the moment you become a parent.
Your love and understanding of everything He did for you, is doing for you, becomes so much more profound.
With this new found realization comes a need for change as well. How often do we correct our children? We repeat the same directions to them over and over. We silently question to ourselves, "when will they get."
I shudder to think of the times my God has had to say those same words about me.
"When will she get it."
I have gotten it in so many areas, yet there is always somewhere else where I just fall, or stumble a little. In regards to eating I go through this almost hourly. The whole cycle, am I really hungry, have I had enough, am I eating for fuel or out of fleshly desires. How long will God continue to correct me? How many times will he have to question to Himself, "when will she get it."
I know He will continue as long as there is a need.
My prayer is that the need would be replaced with victory.